2015


For you kids too young to remember, this is what RPGs used to be like. It was terrible.

See, back then only nerds like me played PC games. There was no WoW or Fortnite or Battlefield, and all the cool kids were busy drinking beer in the park, listening to hair bands and having unplanned pregnancies. Computers couldn’t do anything good anyway and just using them was a huge chore, so nobody except nerds would bother with it.

You must gather your party before venturing forth

The market being what it was, designers didn’t really have any incentive to add user-friendly features or do things like explain how the hell their games worked. I guess they figured if you were playing a game like this to begin with then you were probably a weirdo and didn’t have anything better to do than dig through your inventory and draw maps by hand.

This game kind of reminds me of Ultima 7, except that Ultima 7 was a much better game and came in a cool black box with a thousand 3.5″ floppy disks and a bunch of extras, like a cloth map and other random stuff. Can you believe that, the way games nickel and dime us now? That was back when Richard Garriott used to LARP as a medieval king for some reason. Do you guys even know who that is? Am I just talking to myself here?

Above ground. Not very exciting

The point is, if you were bored during this little talk then you probably shouldn’t play this game.

Even if you do remember all that stuff, there’s just no reason to put yourself through that anymore. They’ve made a lot of RPGs in the last 30 years. Just find a normal one that has journals and maps and a story and doesn’t have a bad attitude about helping you.

Below ground: also dull

Seriously, I’ve been playing this thing for a long time now and I still don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing. I think they expect you to explore the world and figure it out, but the world is so dull that I don’t feel like doing it. The combat is dull. The abilities are dull and mostly useless. The people are dull. The towns and quests and locations are dull. The loot is dull. Reloading constantly is dull.

Talking to ducks made me laugh, though; I’ll give them that.


Developer: Whalenought Studios

Publisher: Whalenought Studios

Purchased on: Steam

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