This game tells the chilling tale of a furniture mover doomed to wake each morning with the knowledge that before bedtime he will be attacked by dogs.
Let me just rattle off some of the ways that this game hates you:
- Every time you think you’ve moved enough furniture to keep yourself safe, you haven’t
- Everything is cryptic and made me confused
- Everything is dark and fuzzy-looking and you can only see in a cone
- Maybe that’s for the best, since everything you can see looks ugly and gross
- In fact, probably nothing in the forest should be handled without gloves
- Nightfall arrives at a sadistic slow pace so you have plenty of time to dwell on how you’re about to be torn apart by dogs
- If you try to run away from the dogs you get tired really fast
- Your dog-hitting stick breaks a lot
- You can only carry a few sticks with which to hit the dogs
Well, you get the idea. Yeah, it’s that kind of game. It has nothing but bad intentions for you.
Seriously…this @%#%$# thing just never lets up. Whoever made this should probably be locked away somewhere for all of our safety. Pretty much everything about it is unpleasant and abrasive. You never feel like you’re on solid ground. I think they did all that on purpose, though, so I’ve gotta give them a thumbs up: their evil plan was wildly successful. Highly recommended to masochists and those seeking to do penance for some past wrong.
Buy it on sale, because you’ll want to put the extra money toward a new chest of drawers to wedge across your door. Not a flimsy Ikea one: get something heavy enough to absorb several solid blows!